Talking to my inner loner:
But all that time spent, trying to force myself into excitement about the latest dinner invitation, party, or community event; wasn’t it for some higher purpose? Shouldn’t I want to take part in the often inexplicable ‘magic spark’ of community. I do cherish the romantic notion of villagers working together in a communal garden to put food on the, er, communal table…but oh, I’d like to be at that back table, the one alone, the one over there, all by itself, in the corner.
I feel the pressure to enjoy what is deemed good: groups of people meeting together with a common goal, having friends to share life with, people to go places with. Oh, but I want to care and love. And, I do! But how might I show it and experience it without taking you to Starbucks to indulge in overpriced beverages and a frenetic atmosphere? Is it telling that I consider Starbucks’ atmosphere ‘frenetic’?
I am not a total ‘loner’ in the same way I am not a complete ‘introvert’. Boxes can’t contain my circle of being. But, I do have a slight preference for each over the alternative, and it’s only recently that I’m beginning to wonder if that’s okay. With me. But, even more so, is it okay with others; which is kind of a strange worry for a supposed loner.
